if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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