barbara walters just said penis...
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
