Her vagina should come with caution tape.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
