Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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