there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
