I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
