You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
