Christians are straight up FREAKS
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
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