My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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