phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Houston, we have a squirter
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
