what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
