but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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