DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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