There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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