Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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