if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
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