we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize