Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
