i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
