Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
