I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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