She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
