you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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