: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize