I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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