I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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