I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
