Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize