she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
