The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Randomize
