I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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