I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
