Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
