I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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