Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Randomize