how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
