woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
