Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
