I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
