I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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