my vag is so smooth its legendary
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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