I wannas sexs uuuuu
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
