nut hugger
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
