Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
