can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
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