What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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