just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
my liver is dry heaving
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
