If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
