I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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