Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
