i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
