Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
