She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
