just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize