the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
