So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
