i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
