"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
