I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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