im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
