I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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