Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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