I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
