oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
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