Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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