In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
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