when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
