I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
