how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Randomize