Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Randomize
