Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
It's never too late to be topless.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Of course I have a pirate flag
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
