shes about as inviting as chlamydia
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize