you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
