dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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