We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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