No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
