its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
