i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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