Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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