What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize