It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
