i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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