He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
