I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
