I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
