I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
