If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
