It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
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