Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
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