She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
