kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
