so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
