Jerry, you need to find god
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
