Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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