Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
