i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Its about making memories worth repressing
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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