and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
