I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
