Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize