As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
