I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize