it was like his penis was on wheels.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
third nipple confirmed
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize