Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
You left your phone here
Wait...
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
