he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
